My Own Private Slumber Party

---->Press Play: Puke-Eminem<----

Yup I'm Up All Late For No Reason At All. It Was Like Super Chilly Cheese Fries Out Side Today We Even Turned The Heat On.

I'm Realizing That So Many Of The Things That Are Important In A 19 Year Olds Life Are Missing ;S From My Life
I Am Jobless,I'm Not In College And I Don't Have A Love Interest {{How Bland Is My Life Huh}}

The Jobless\Schooless Thing I Think People Can Over Look But The Lack Of Love Interest Plus My Lack Of Dating In The Past Has Even My Family Questioning My Orientation Well Verdicts Out People I'm Straight As A -----Limbo Stick----- [haha I'm So Witty]

I Know It's Hard For People To Tell Which Is Why I Don't Get Super Upset About What They Think. Far As They Know I've Only Had One Boy Friend Three Years Ago BUT My Track Record Is Slightly Longer Than That (only a lil)

There Was /D\ When I Was 15|I'd Rather Not Elaborate|
Then Arkene The Official When I Was 16 |only for 2.5 months|
Then /B\ Last Year He Had Lots Of Potential But Wanted A WHOLE LOT {FWB} Just To Be My "Bestie" :s
Oh Yes Let Us Not Forget About Ty My Own Personal Confusion Full Of Potential... To Bad He Only Wants Sex ,,,And Yet I Keep On Seeing/Talking To Him ugh Silly Me

Add Those To The 3 or 4 Guys Who Never Made It Past Phone Calls And I Haven't Done So Bad Really...Have I??
Oh But Back On Topic No One Really Knows About Anyone Other Than D And Arkene [My Family Doesn't Even Know About D]
So Their Confusion About Who/What I Like Is Partly My Fault But I Do Love My Privacy =]
Yess But It Would Be Nice To Move On Past All The Insignificance And On To Something A Little ... More

ANYONE KNOW AN AVAILABLE CHUBBY CHASER??
PLEASE SEND HIM MY WAY ;] LOL

<----|| pEACE ChickeN GreAse ♥ || ---->

PS:: I'm Sorry My Punctuation And Grammer SUCK, I'll Work On It.

With Out Rain You Can't Have Rainbows

-->Playing:Butterflies-Michael Jackson&These Words-Natasha Bedingfeild<--

Cold Dark Raining Gloomy Weekend Ugh lol
I Was Up With The Sun Babysitting Saturday And Super Frustrated Yesterday But I Did Get To See My Phatt Phatt ♥ So She Brought A Rainbow Into My Gloom.

I Really Need To Get This Depression Thing Under Control I Most Deff Need To Get The Balls To Go See A Doctor Blahh But Really These Bouts Of Depression Are Really Starting To Take Their Toll On Me.

On Another Note I Figured That I'd Post Another One Of My Old Poems Today So With Out Any Further Ado I Present

Red Room

Awaken By A Rhythmus Thud


I Find Myself


In A Room The Color Of Blood



The Hue Of Rage


It Encloses Me


Like A Barbwire Cage



As The Beat Increases


The Room Crumbles


And Simply Falls To Pieces



Around Me The Derbies Lay


In All The Hues


Of Blacks, Blues And Gray



And Yet Still



I'm Anchored To This One Spot


A Prisoner To This Heart


That The Warden Of Love Forgot

Some Days I Feel Like I'm Amazing With My Words Other Days I Feel Like Such A Wanna Be Poet :S// What Do You Think???

<---|| Peace Chicken Greace ♥ ||--->

Always Push Through With A Smile

See Thiss Kidd She's Pretty Darn Great ♥ =]

---->Listening To: Forever-Drake && Just To Get By- Talib Kweli<----

So I Was RUDELY Awaken This Morning By My Sis On The Computer emailing Her "boo" In Texas blahh :{ So I've Been Super Tired All Day Ugh. But On A Brighter Note My Brother Brought Over My Niece Ta'Leah bka my Phatt Phatt ♥ Lubbz That Gurl To Death Yup =]
So I Played TeeTee (thats what my nieces and nephews call me) Even Though I Was Out Of It.

I Talked To My Father To Day oh joy :S Don't Get Me Wrong I Love My Father And We Get Along ... I Guess, But The Older I Get The More Frustrated I Get With Him Its Like I Have No Patients For Him, I Think Its Mainly Because I Grew Up A Daddy's Girl And He Could Do No Wrong But Now At The Age Of 19 I See What Is Fact And I'm A Lil Disappointed He Hasn't Lived Up To My Childish Dreams I See He Makes Mistakes And Has Huge Flaws Just Like Me...So How Can He Tell Me What To Do With My Life When He Didn't Do The Best He Could With His???
Another Thing That Is Rocky In Our Father Daughter Relationship Is That My Father Is Really Out Going Dominant A Leader A Go Getter {{Everything I Hate Myself For Not Being}}
And I'm Shy Reserved Anti-Social A Procrastinator, And Very Passive And He Expects Me To Be More Like Him {{Guess I Haven't Met His Standards Either Huh}}
All And All Our Relationship Isn't As Easy Now That He's not Super Dad And I'm Not Daddy's Lil Girl ...God Will Work It Out I'm Sure.

Heres Something Interesting Today On Facebook I Took A Quiz That Calculated How Long I've Been Alive::: Here Are The Results :::

19 years
0 months
21 days
228 months
? weeks(they got that wrong)
6961 days
167064 hours
10023840 minutes
601430400 seconds
&& 4 leap years
WOW

Pinky Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?? || Thats A Whole Lotta Numbers ...Makes Me Feel Old LoL|| * End Thoughts Here* Lol

<----|| Peace Chicken Grease ♥ || ---->

And Nobody Knows It But Me <3

---->Listening To:Say I-Christina Milian && Carmel-City High<----

Today I Finally Got My Day Alone [[Well A Few Hours At Least]] And It Felt Damn Good =]
I love Having Time Alone It's Just Me I've Always Been Anti-Social.
I Used My Time Wisely And Worked On Photoshop I Think Its Important To Practice With It As Much As I Can Seeing As I'll Be Going To School For It And Working In Some Kind Of Field That Uses It Yupp.

I Realized Today That I Haven't Written A Poem In MONTHS :S
I Would Really Love To Get Back Into That, I Just Haven't Had Much Inspiration.
But None The Less I Figured I'd Post A Poem Here To Pay Homage To My Skill =]
Enjoy ♥

:: Have You Ever::
August2008

Have you ever felt out of your skin?

Like to breathe in is a sin...

Like every new day is living a lie, over and over again,

And wanting to start anew but not knowing where to begin?

Have you ever felt out of your skin?

Have you ever felt out of your mind?

Constantly searching within it for something you'll never find

Looking for answers to questions long ago left behind,

brought up by regrets made over time

Have you ever felt out of your mind?

Have you ever felt out of your place?

Like waking up where you are, is too hard to face?

Like everything around you is moving at a suicidal pace

And to wish you could disappear without a trace

Have you ever felt out of your place?

Do You Love It???

<---- || Peace Chicken Grease || ---->

And this is how my speech goesI deserve this ish, I deserve this ish, I deserve this ish-Drake

---->Listening To Brighter Day-Kirk Franklin<----

Catch The Quote At Thee Top?? Yeah Thats How I Feel. When My Thoughts Crowd My Mind And I Can't Think I Go Straight For My ipod And Blast The Music Into My Ears It's The Most Effective Way I've Found To Clear My Mind And Calm My Self {[Aside From Isolating My Self =] LoL]}

Well I Didn't Get My Day Home Alone Like I Hoped;; But It Wasn't That Badd. We Went To The Park Then To The Library, The Kids Had A Lot Of Fun, I Most Deff Need To Pay My Fines Off My Library Card So I Won't Have To Keep Buying The Books I Want.

Because Of All Our Driving Around I Didn't Get To Work With My Photoshop Much, I Really Need To Find Some Tutorials. I Also Didn't Get To Fill Out Any Apps Online Today Gottz To Get Back On Top Of That.

HaHa Today Some Lady Thought I Was Nephew's Mother WoW I Mean Really I'm Nineteen He's Eight Who Thinks About Sex At Eleven :: Not I Said The Cat.

Almost Finished With My Book But I've Been Slippin On My Crocheting. So I Need To Get Back To That.

<---- ||Peace Chicken Grease<3||>

Twisted

---------> These Songs Are On Repeat|| Reflection-Lea Salonga {Mulan soundtrack} ;; I Feel Like Dying -Lil Wayne <---------

If those song seem a little depressing to you theres a reason for that. Today was one of those days I can do with out ughh. The kidds (BKA my Niece && Nephews) stayed home today can we say FRUSTRATION, don't get me wrong I love em to death but for an 8,7, and 2 year old they sure do know how to press all the wrong buttons on peoples nerves. My mother was home so that deff help yup BUT none of thats important so lets move on shall we =]

Todays major points were unemployment and photoshop. Everybody's favorite topic of how I don't have a job yet came up again today apparently I'm making excuses GREAT they seem no to be able to realize that not having a job and generally doing nothing with my life is DEPRESSING ME duhh geezz, maybe I hide my emotions to well/// so maybe I should do it through the lyrics of the songs.....
|||

Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight
Back at me
Why is my reflection
someone I don't know?
Somehow, I cannot hide
Who I am, though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside --Reflection-Lea Salonga

Only once the drugs are done
That I feel like dying, I feel like dying
I can mingle with the stars & throw a party on Mars
I am a prisoner locked up behind Xanax bars--I Feel Like-Dying Lil Wayne

|||

I Kinda Love Those Songs {{My Mother Thinks Its Morbid}}
They Fit How I Feel Some Times.
But anyway I installed photoshop today YESSS.
I actualy plan on making a career out of photo editing and all that such,
so it's a good thing to have handy.
Plus its fun and such a boredum buster.

AND IN THE MORNING IMMA MAKE WAFFLES *Donkey's voice* Love Shrek;; But really tomorrow I'll Have The House To Myself THANK YOU JESUS!

Why Oh Why Am I So Anti Social???? Oh Well =]

____Well Its About That Time To Return My Thoughts Behind Bars____

<----Peace Chicken Grease---->

Insomnia

----Listening to: Killing Me Softly -Lauryn Hill----

So Its about 1:54am and I'm completely wide awake, story of my life ugh, I more than likely won't get sleepy until 3 or 4 am. Since I'm up I decided to blog for the very first time yup, so lets see how this goes. I have big plans for this blog, even if it is just for personal entertainment, but I'll wait until a decent time to put them into effect. For right now I'll continue to be frustrated with my stupid dead Revol phone and its broken charger blahh, maybe I'll work on my blanket that I'm crocheting some more or maybe I'll just read my book, 92 Pacific Boulevard by Debbie Macomber, its pretty good. Either way it goes its time for me to get off of here.
__Peace Chicken Grease <3__